If you can write a poem then surely you can write a song lyrics too... just the difficult bit about adding the music next!
A SONG FOR SUGGS of ’Madness’ – ‘I Hate Ironing!’
As the beat starts Suggs is bent over an ironing board.
I hate ironing- ironing I hate,
Don’t they know I’m six feet four. [He stands upright-then back again]
I’m not five feet eight.
Lots of men now live alone, they have to clean the house,
I wash, I iron, I hoover. but I’m a man;- Not a mouse!
‘Peeps’ on the sax and shouts of; ‘”Their takin’ the mickey”.
Please try to make life easy, let ironing be a pleasure.
And when you make your ironing boards;
Make them to my measure!
Shouts of ‘Size matters’
Two guys, heads together croon; ‘Just a few more inches’ [to the tune from my fair lady]
Sax pumps out—Oh where oh where has my pussycat gone. Madness mayhem.
Chorus:- I hate.... etc
The single man is here to stay, and he must press his clobber.
But when you make the boards so small, you’re nothing but a robber!
A police whistle blows. Its’ a steam up! Press charges!
I must be pressed, I must look smart, to find a bit of skirt.
But I won’t get a woman, with a crinkled ‘Dickie Dirt.’
Shouts of - He’s a crinklie--- Not a wrinklie,
Sax I’m Henry the eighth I am. More mayhem.
Chorus:- I hate ironing etc
It’s not just me, for so Ive’ read, many get divorced.
But no man can be a lover, if his back is forced!
Oh! The pain! Backache is worse than heartache.
So give your boards a six inch lift, and give the man a chance.
He is no Cinderella; let him go off to the dance!
Sax:- Larespa. More mayhem.
Now all the boys join in with "WE hate ironing” etc etc, as they mill about the stage and dance punching fists in the air until at six feet four they all stand on tiptoe, and at five foot eight they bend double.
Comments;- I must go and lie down. Will some girl massage my back? If rabbits had shirts, would they die out? Etc etc etc.
Pump up the beat. Hit the chords. Blow the sax; and
What do we hate? What do we hate?
WE HATE IRONING! Carbumb! Big ending, or repeat the whole chorus into fade.
There is another song lyric titled "The ‘Pillie Willie’ Rap" but that had to go into the 'Adults Section'!